She'd be 59

Me and Mom when I was 4

Today is my mom's birthday.  Happy Birthday Momma!  If she were here today, she'd be 59.  It is weird not buying her presents or celebrating with her.  I decided that this day was going to be a bit challenging so I invited my dad, Steve and Anna over yesterday for a birthday celebration, in mom's honor.   Dad brought little gifts for everyone, because it is something mom would have done.  She always had little presents when you would see her. She was a very giving person and I believe wholeheartedly that if she were here now she would singlehandedly be trying to stimulate the economy all by herself!  

I decided for our menu we would have all of mom's favorite things.  We had cheese and crackers and shrimp with Hoffman cocktail sauce (because it is the only cocktail sauce mom would eat).  We had a "nice" salad - which consists of iceberg lettuce, croutons and italian dressing.  Mom would always make us have a "nice" salad growing up at dinner.  Imagine my surprise when I started grocery shopping and learned that there were several types of lettuce and an actual nice salad can have lots of fixin's.  We then had a "nice" roast with veggies and bread followed by a banana cream pie, which was mom's favorite.  Ryan picked it up at My Sugar Pie in Zionsville and man is it a fabulous pie.  

Mom probably would have been a tad disappointed that it had a meringue top and not "real whipped cream", but it was seriously the best pie I have ever had.  My dad also brought a cherry chip cake with cherry frosting.  In the winter months of his retirement he has become quite the little baker.  It was nice to have our little family all around, but I couldn't help but feel the void.  We all do, it is obvious.  

Dad helped me decorate a bit after the kids went to bed and then got up this morning and left just a bit ago.  He is going to go to mom's grave and bring her 8 carnations, one from each of us, they were her favorite.  I am sorry I won't be able to go today - in two weeks I'll be up there and visit then.  I hate and love going to the cemetery, it is nice to have a place to visit, but I hate what it represents.  It just sucks all the way around the block.

So today I fill my day with nonsense like laundry and cleaning.  I am going to yoga tonight for some much needed exercise, meditation and reflection.  I want to thank my friends who have called, emailed, and posted with their thoughts and well wishes.  It means more than you know.  These next two months are the final last of the "firsts."  It is just so bittersweet, holding onto, "this time last year..." which is helpful and painful all in one.

And away from the dark side...in the world of Penny Pickles I have several paintings going on and I can't wait to finish them up and show them to you! I hope you all have a great week and once again thanks!

what i should be doing is...

What I should be doing and what I am doing are two different things.  I SHOULD be doing laundry, cleaning, painting, decorating, but instead I am sitting here at my kitchen table with a box of Jingles and a big glass of milk.  I love Jingles, they are an acquired taste because they are anisette cookies, but I love them.  Just like Good and Plenty's.  I never have to wonder if these two little gems will be sold out of a store.  Ahh...  

I thought that since I was gone over Thanksgiving that I would take the time now to say what I am thankful for:

My family.  I was talking with my friend Leslie this morning about this trip that Mom, Dad, Steve and I took to Springfield, Illinois in June of 2006.  It was a trip mom wanted to do with us, and we had a blast.  I am so thankful for that memory and the family that I have.

That wouldn't be complete without saying how grateful I am for my amazing, wonderful, loving, talented, silly, caring husband.  I couldn't have been through what I have been through without him.

I am so thankful for my three little chickens.  You can never fully understand your hearts capacity to love until you have children.  There are so many times where I my heart is just going to burst because I love these little miraculous beings so much.  

I am thankful for my creativity and abilities.  I sewed this dress for Penny for Thanksgiving.  My mom was an amazing seamstress.  She would whip up little outfits and dresses for me overnight - using old bridesmaid dresses, whatever she could get her hands on.  Now I couldn't put a patch on mom's ass when it comes to sewing (like that little phrase do ya?  It was one of my grandpa Tom's, I could write a book on his phrases), but I can hold my own. I saw this fabric and fell in love, and then used a shirt of Penny's as a model and made my own pattern and went to town.  It was a little snug at first, so I let up the back and now it has the same accent ribbon zigzagging up the back through matching grommets and yes, I made matching bows for her pigtails. I am so happy with how it turned out and since Thanksgiving was harder than I expected to not have mom around, it was a wonderful reminder of her legacy that she left behind.  She was my biggest cheerleader and I'd like to think she'd approve.

Now I would normally put another picture here, but honestly I don't have pictures of all my friends all together.  You know who you are.  I am so grateful for their friendship, companionship, love, support.  I love my girlfriends, old and new.  The ones on go on ridiculous adventures with, with our children and the ones that I can curl up with and chat until the wee hours of the morning.  I am thankful, so very thankful.

So I have packed up the Jingles, drank all the milk and now the laundry beckons, as does my floors.  I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season and from the bottom of my heart, thanks!

its out of the park...

After a long, but wonderfully productive day I capped off the evening by finishing Jon's baseball vignette! I promised I would have a little less me and bit more Penny Pickles - so here it is:

The boys bedroom is slowly becoming a "big boys" bedroom and they are definitely showing their affinity for sports. That being said it made sense to do tiles that reflect their interests. They are my 4 x 4 canvas tiles, mounted on white matte board. I wanted to do a "scene" instead of just the typical balls and sports accessories - I mean he is my kid, why not make him a little something special.  Next up will be Drew's football vignette and I have had a request for a golf one as well.  I know nothing about golf, so I am going to have to do my research.

I don't think I'll get much work done this evening, we have family in from the Boston area and our hosting them and some of the local fam for a big dinner.  Tomorrow though, Ryan is going to see Dark Knight and I get to cozy on the couch watching What Not To Wear and TalkSoup.  A secret confession is that I love to paint with that stuff on - I don't really watch it obviously, but listening to it is entertaining nonetheless.  

I have a bit of stuff to do before the family comes...until next time!